Te quiero, Tenerife

Pasar una semana en casa me ha venido muy bien.

Gracias a la tecnología es posible mantener buena y frecuente comunicación con las personas importantes en la vida, pero afirmando lo obvio, nada supera pasar tiempo junto a ellas. En los momentos en los que me siento más sola, confundida y perdida es mi familia —además de mis amigos mas cercanos— la que de verdad ilumina el camino. A su vez, es curioso como las mismas experiencias que provocan dolor, dudas e inseguridad, son las que fortalecen y abren los ojos a la realidad de ciertos aspectos de la vida incuestionables hasta ese momento —tanto patrones de pensamiento y conducta como relaciones personales problemáticas y/o perjudiciales —tanto breves como longevas.

Hay muchas razones por las que me alegro de vivir donde lo hago, y por las que me ilusiona tanto el proyecto de continuar con mi formación radiológica en la bella y avanzada Suiza. Por otro lado, no son pocos los motivos por los que a menudo —especialmente en invierno— siento añoranza y pena por no poder pasar más tiempo en mi tierra.

Minutos antes de escribir estas palabras, durante el despegue de mi vuelo con destino de vuelta a Basilea, fui testigo de unas de las vistas aéreas de la isla de Tenerife más claras e impresionantes de toda mi vida. Lo vi todo: el árido paisaje del sur bordeado por sus turísticas playas y salpicado de activos molinos eólicos, la autopista del sur conectando con la capital y las zonas más pobladas del norte de la isla —pasando por la Tabaiba de mi querido Colegio Alemán, y por Radazul, donde dos de mis amigos alemanes pudieron disfrutar de unas preciosas vistas a primera línea de mar durante los desayunos de esta semana. Un poco más allá, Santa Cruz de Tenerife, con el emblemático auditorio junto a las piscinas del Parque Marítimo, conectando a través de amplias y verdes avenidas con la piscina municipal, en las que tantas horas pasamos entrenando para el Alameda y el Teneteide después de clase. También lucía imponente el Macizo de Anaga, con sus aislados y misteriosos roques adornando la costa más noreste de la isla —un bonito reto para cualquier ciclista motivado y un poco loco. En la autopista del norte, la conocida curva tan pronunciada a la altura de Taco, y un poco más allá, nuestro segundo aeropuerto. El Valle de la Orotava y el Puerto De la Cruz eran distinguibles ya algo difuminados al fondo. Y casi casi como un borrón imperceptible, la zona de Los Silos y Las Canteras, que siempre asociaré con viejas fritas, papas rellenas y veranos entre plataneras y verbenas. Y, como no, el majestuoso Teide, coronándolo todo con sus suaves faldas de cenizas, roca volcánica y magma enfriado. 

Las amplias columnas de humo de la actual explosión volcánica de La Palma perfectamente visibles en el horizonte confirmaban de manera irrefutable la inusual claridad de este precioso día de otoño.

Y yo siento gratitud. Por haber nacido y crecido en el paraíso. Y por haberlo hecho segura, sana, querida, rodeada y guiada por la mejor familia que podía haber deseado. Gratitud, también, por contar con la capacidad, determinación y fuerzas para poder afrontar con éxito una formación de calidad en un idioma extranjero, tan lejos de todo lo que me importa —con unos horizontes personales y profesionales desafiantes, amplios e ilusionantes. Y por poder saltar entre los dos mundos frecuente y libremente. 

Agradecida estoy por todas las circunstancias a lo largo de mi vida que me han llevado a donde estoy hoy.

Where the Grass IS Greener - Éire

The one time I’d visited Ireland back in 2018 to attend the Irish College of Ophthalmologists Annual Conference (jeez, how things can change in 3 years), I didn’t leave Kilkenny. I remember loving the beauty of that small area and regretting not having seen more of the country.

So after four years and a semi-overcome pandemic, here I am again in Dublin –but this time for good, and not just to catch a train to go somewhere else.

I had the pleasure of being picked up by F the night I arrived in the city. After two weeks in Greece I’d only known her with sleeveless tops and denim shorts, so for a fraction of a second I was confused at the sight of her joyful Irish beauty in long pants and a cardigan. We had dinner literally ON river Liffey, at MC Cill Airne. We reminisced about Greece but also shared projects and ideas, as well as one of the most delicious brownies I’d ever had the pleasure to savor.

After dinner we headed to a traditional Irish up close by, where a friend of hers and his buddy were playing traditional Irish music. I remember especially loving the last song, “Toss the Feathers”, whose title I only managed to make out with much effort, given these guys’ strong Irish accents and the loud background noice at the bar. A few fun and witty exchanges, some more upbeat Celtic tunes, and the accompanying vibration of the musicians‘ feet firmly taping on the ground to the rhythm of the fiddle and the accordion. Not a bad way to start my brief catch-up with Ireland.

Visiting the Cliffs of Moher was predictably mind-blowing –at least for those brief moments where the heavy mist lifted just long enough to make them visible to the human eye. The rest of the time the fog was so thick I could actually smell it. Cows and sheep and crows scattered all over the landscape as well as the distant sound of a traditional flute added the touch of Irish authenticity and charm necessary to compensate for the multitude of languages spoken all around me during those hours.

Although brief, my stop at The Burren in County Clare with its rugged landscape framed by the Atlantic shore and curvy rural roads was also beautiful and inspiring.

But ironically enough, I think the one moment where my spirit felt the most elevated was standing in the middle of Shop Street in Galway, listening to this brilliant Blues/ Rock n’Roll band called „OL’ Times“ that materialized out of nowhere. The smile that put on my face and the exciting chills that run through my body made me give up the idea of trying out authentic Galway seafood and trade that for a takeaway meal from McDonald’s, just so that I could keep listening to them as long as possible.

Speaking of music, there’s this one piece of information I learned that gave me all kinds of mixed feelings of pride, nostalgia, sadness and longing. Galway used to have very extensive merchant relationships with Spain, which led to a large community of Spaniards settling there and mixing with the Irish. Apparently this is why the subject of the original „Galway Girl“ song had brown hair and tan skin. So I guess Galway has randomly become my favorite Irish city now (the fact that they had “Churros n’ Cofee” also helps).

After driving 500km in one day I just can’t make myself go to Belfast today anymore (sorry, Northern Ireland, see you another time).
Can’t wait to spend the day in Dublin with F instead, and get to know this European capital for good once and for all!

PS.: Love the fact of how seagulls are the pigeons of this place.

29

This is at least the fourth time that I attempt to write a blog post about my “recent” birthday and what it meant to me. At first, I was determined to make it something witty and lighthearted. But every time I sat in front of my laptop my mood was completely different, and hence so were the words that emanated from my typing fingers. This fact itself is a pretty accurate reflection of how this past year has been: full of change, uncertain, painful but enlightening, multifaceted. And I think that is fair and honest enough.

I guess in a more slow-burning way my life has chronically been this way for the longest time anyway. Ever since I moved out when I was 17, I've been sure about the few non-negotiable things that I want and need in my life, as well as who I want and need to be for others. But the “when” and “where” have always been two gigantic question marks casting a shadow over everything that I have, with the best of intentions and goodwill, done so far. At times exciting, at times discouraging, Home has been a very fluid concept, increasingly so, as I strive to create one of my own – to find my own place in the world.

This past year, in particular, has been a determining and decisive one. I've made some choices and taken certain chances that I just know will just inevitably shape the rest of my life in a more drastic, tangible way than others –a year where I've experienced things that are and will transform ME in notorious, substantial ways. Overall, the average way I feel about all these upcoming changes is excited and hopeful. But there's also a degree of real fear there that I need to confront as well.

I don't know for sure everything that is coming hand in hand with this rough picture that I've painted in my head at deciding to leave the life I've known for the past 11 years in order to arm myself with the best tools possible to reach that place that I described above, but I do know what I am giving up in order get there. Certainty, familiarity, comfort.

I do not know who I will become in the end, but I know which parts of me I am shedding already, and I can see that every day now more than ever before. Thus, at this point, all I can do is have faith and trust: trust in that not only do I know what I want, what is good and right for me, but in that the decisions I am making are the ones that will lead me there. Trust and faith in that my integrity and values will be strong enough to push me just to the right space, without actually tipping me over an edge. Trust in that whatever gut feeling I had when I did the things I did, said the things I said and took the turns I took was, in fact, one of those rare flashes of complete mental clarity that leads to the right choice in the toughest of circumstances.

If only I didn't like a good adventure and challenge so damn much it would be easier for me to discern… Only this time somehow, I just know. Oh man, and with this thirst and curiosity and passion, how ready I am to face just about anything.